I am so so sorry I've been gone for so long. Stuff got crazy and I couldn't come back here. I never forgot you.
I need to stop pretending that I can 'recover' and that I'm 'happy' in my 'body' because I'm not.
I'm fatter than ever because they got worried and I relaxed and now I'm 180lbs. I know how disgusted you are with me, I'm in shock myself. I dusted off my trusty scale after all this time and I'm the heaviest I've ever been.
So I'm starting anew. She's back in my head, screaming at the fat hanging from my bones. Crying at the sight of muscles snuggling under a duvet of blubber. She's back and she's stronger than ever. She's the one writing in my diary now, I haven't written anything in weeks.
She's back and she's so disappointed in me I can't bear it.
Today I ate 776 kcal.
Tomorrow I will eat 500 kcal.
Please comment me if you want me to follow you/ get back in touch. I've been out of the loop for so long I don't know who's still blogging, who's new, who's good... let me back in the loop :)
I've missed you all so much.
I've missed her so much.
This feels like home, I'm so grateful.
Rydw i'n caru ti, Kiki xx