Sometimes I want to scream and tell you everything, let it all spill out too rushed with bits missing, words blurred and inaudible.
But I can't. It's too much, too crazy.
You don't know what it's like to be able to use the word 'relapse'.
It sounds and feels like the word 'cunt' on my tongue.
I know if I don't talk I'll end up worse than I was before.
But I want to be worse than before.
I can't knock down these defenses I worked so hard to put up, I need you to.
They didn't fix me like they promised.
I don't know what to do.
I can't tell them because they won't understand.
That's why I am so grateful to have you guys <3 xx